i was looking at photos. we looked happy. i reread the letters you wrote in the past. i kept the smallest of notes that you wrote. i cried a lot.

i still need more time. i feel frustrated and impatient with myself.

i don't know what to type anymore. i am just tired with my life. i am so so so tired of trying to make myself happy and blocking out all my thoughts and unhappiness. you said you would protect me from all external hurt. and you want to have lil jws and sls with me. you said you wanted to grow old with me.

you don't want all these anymore. past tense hurts.

i feel like a part of me died.